Three More

Three more alpha-1 antitrypsin infusions since my last blog. I got number 13 Saturday. I really did not want to get my infusion this weekend. The last 2 were no big deal. Just set up, needle in the vein, sit for an hour, done. But Saturday I just didn't want to do it. I didn't realize it was my 13th time until I counted them up for this blog. I do not like the number 13. Maybe my apprehension was my subconscious letting me know it was the 13th time.

In attempting to find my vein with the needle and get the IV dripping into my body, Bob had to give it about 4 tries this time. "I don't know how heroin addicts do it." That made me laugh. After my infusion Saturday morning Bob and I watched TV for a while, then I took a nap. When I woke up I had a lot of difficulty breathing. Then I got a major headache. I'm telling you, it's that 13 thing. :( 

Today is Monday and I'm feeling much better except that I haven't been sleeping well.That's pretty much okay since I can rest as much as I need to throughout the day. I'm thinking the not-sleeping-so-great is probably because it's December, not my favorite time of the year. Too many things haunt me this month. Some days it's all I can do to stay just this side of sane. Some moments I cross the line, but I have crossed that line enough times to quickly recognize where I'm headed, and I drag myself back to sanity, though admittedly not always willingly. And there will be times this month that I will give into it and cry and sob and miss my Amy and attack myself for not being able to save her. But not today I think. Today I feel better just writing about it. 

As a fellow COPD blogger put it "depression can and will slip in without notice, and without caring what it does to you." And I just want to add to that very insightful comment "or what it does to your loved ones." I try to hold the darkness at bay. I have learned many tricks over the years to keep it away, though at times I hear it knocking. Ugh, go away. GO AWAY! And sometimes when it gets in anyway it ends up rocking me while I cry and then sleep, and it slips out quietly in the night. Depression has not taken me over completely for a long time and I intend to make sure that it never happens again. 

This is a long and wandering blog. Thanks for letting me share with you.

Thanksgiving Infusion of Love and Antitrypsin

So my blog is up-to-date to the Saturday before Thanksgiving, November 17th, 2012. Infusion of antitrypsin on that day went fine. As long as we find a vein and the medicine drips into my body I think we did a great job. So far no scary reactions, although we do have 2 syringes full of epinephrine (like the one in Pulp Fiction) just in case. Bob always asks if he gets to (I mean has to) stab me 3 times if something goes wrong. Hahahaha, no. And where is the Sharpie for drawing the circle to stab inside of?

On Monday, November 19th, Brad, Jeffer, Joni and grandkids came to rock our world for 2 days. It was wonderful! Mickey waffles plus yummy omelets for breakfast. Bob's famous ribs for lunch. Lots of fun and lots of love. Four-year-old Elliot and I were outside playing. He was showing me how he walks really fast. "Everyone needs to walk really fast," he explained. I said, "I can't walk really fast anymore." He came back to where I was and grabbed my hand and said "Everyone but you Gotu. You can walk however fast you want."

Thursday Frank came up and brought Thanksgiving dinner for the 3 of us. The kids were at their dad's that day. It was yummy and very nice. After Frank left I felt completely exhausted. I don't cry too often, but I laid on the bed and wept. We still had one more family party - Friday morning brunch. I just kept on crying. Friday morning came and I decided I wanted to go to the brunch. I was still pretty tired but figured I would just sit home and be sad if we didn't go, so we went to Merced and met the West Coast Hutchings for a delicious brunch at Bella Luna. It was so great to see and hug everyone. Another roomful of love and fun and delicious food.

Home again by 2 p.m. Worn out but very happy. I slept for about 12 hours Friday night. Nice.